Who Are We?

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Arizona born, Las Vegas-raised, Bradford has grown up on gaming. Encouraged by his father after he returned from the Gulf War, his gaming career started on the NES and Sega Genesis consoles before watching his father play X-Wing versus TIE Fighter on PC. Also finding music his love for music and Tolkien in his teens, Bradford balances these hobbies while raising his daughter and spending time with his beautiful wife.

Currently Bradford is regarded as a well-known Tolkienist, trying to make a name for himself as a published Tolkien-scholar. In addition, he contributes to The Inquisitr News, and has had work published on sites such as PlayboyPixelKin and GamesRadar+He once thought he saw a woodchuck chuck wood. Turns out they can’t.

 

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Horatio “The Dowager Countess” Sanchez was born to a small family in Mexico around the time his luchador father saved their village from El Diablo, as chronicled in Guacamelee! Horatio took to playing his trumpet and guitar at a young age, travelling with various mariachis in his adult life. In fact, Vin Disel’s El Mariachi character is based off of Horatio’s young escapades.

After travelling to America to get away from the hum drum life of a Mariachi, Horatio settled in Idaho where he taught young students to play Mexican-inspired Polka music. His most famous arrangement is a re-working of Clocks from Coldplay, though some think it sounds a bit like Guadalajara. Horatio enjoys playing his Vita in his down time, as Danganronpa in 4K90 is clearly the superior way to go.

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As the clouds wafted gracefully past the the summit of Mount Olympus, a newborn entered gloriously unto the world. The gods stood round, anxiously awaiting the child to give signs of life. But the child did not cry out. His eyes opened and shone pure starlight unto the gods, bathing the room in a brilliant warm glow. The light rippled outward, like a gentle wave cresting upon distant shores as it touched every corner of the world.

The gods, ever in awe of the child, named him Shank and carried him throughout the halls of Olympus, borne aloft on a carriage made of pure gold, pulled along by sixteen greased naked eunuchs.

As the child grew, so too did his strength. And with his strength spread word of his epic heroism, slaying the vile creatures of console peasantry into oblivion.
And now, through the medium of the Internet, that child has chosen to grace you with his presence, dear listener. Pay him tribute. Worship him. And he may recognize your existence.